Dealing with Loss & Comfort Food

 Well, I've had one crazy, busy, but still fun summer.  We traveled; which was awesome and I spent some time going to different doctors trying to find the right answers for my anxiety issues.  Luckily, my search led me to a wonderful doctor who has put me on some hormone replacement therapy and that seems to be the ticket.  We are still trying to get the right mix for me, but I know I'm feeling much better.  Yay!

My family and I were wrapping up our summer travels, just back from Boston (in September) when my dad unexpectedly ended up in the hospital.  He'd had a heart attack and within 10 days... he was gone.  This has been difficult and I'm dealing with it the best I can.  I'm so blessed to have brothers that I can lean on - not to mention all my wonderful family and friends that are always there for me - my aunts and uncles, my in-laws and my husband and son - just amazing!  Thank God for them all.

Through all of this grief and dealing with the loss (as well as the Fall weather), I've noticed that I'm craving comfort food.  You know what I mean.  We all have our own versions of it.  Mine has been stuff like mashed potatoes, meatloaf, roast, stew, fried chicken, mac and cheese, monte cristos... the list goes on...

I am allowing myself these comforts (in moderation) and making them a bit more healthy where I can.  I'm keeping my workouts fun and changing them up to keep them interesting.  I've started taking Shakeology and I'm loving the quality ingredients that I'm putting in my body.  I'm anxiously awaiting my copy of P90X2 to arrive by Christmas, so I can bring it up to the next level.  I'm learning to allow myself to grieve and when I feel like crying, I cry.  That sounds pretty basic, but it's not all that easy for me.  Tears and time bring healing.  I just have to give time... time.

What are some of your favorite "comfort foods" and how can you make them less naughty?

Agave Popcorn

If you like a sweet treat, like I do, you've got to try Agave Popcorn!  Yummo!  Just pop up some popcorn and drizzle some agave over it, stir.  It is soooo yummy and seems really naughty - like caramel corn.  I'm going to sprinkle a little cinnamon on it next time I make it - haven't tried that yet, but I bet it's good!

I don't have exact measurements.  I just go off how it looks and tastes.  Test it out for yourself.  Everybody's tastes are different.

Restrictive Diets

I recently read a book by Dr. Andrew Weil called Spontaneous Healing.  It is about osteopathic medicine; which is using treatments that support the mind-body connection in health and healing.  Instead of treating each symptom and medicating to suppress the symptom, it tries to find the root cause of the problem and fix it.  It is not Eastern medicine or homeopathic... it is a combination of some Eastern type theories, but used in conjunction with Western medicine. It uses hands-on healing, cranial manipulations, nutrition and supplements, among other things.  It's very fascinating.


I have found an Osteopathic clinic here that is covered under my insurance and I have had appointments with two docs.  One that specializes in the hands-on and breathing therapies - I'm learning how to relax and breathe properly.  Something that us folks with anxiety don't do very well.  Of course, we breathe, but we breathe very shallowly.  I have learned a breathing technique that allows me to breath more full, relaxed breaths from my diaphragm.  I'm finding it very helpful so far.


The other doc specializes in the nutrition aspect of it.  Besides upping a few of my vitamin dosages, she has me on an "elimination diet".  Most of which is pretty easy to follow since I already follow my "eat clean diet", but there have been a few difficulties (for me).  One is dairy - I like my eggs and yogurt.  The other is gluten - which I don't eat alot of because I don't eat processed food, but I do love my whole grains.  Chocolate is the other thing that I can't have.  I like a few dark chocolate chips in my yogurt as a dessert sometimes.  The funny thing is that I don't eat these things every day, but all of a sudden, when I'm told that I can't have them... it's a big deal!  It's a mental thing.  I've realized that I don't like being told what I can't have.  When I read something like my eat clean diet books and make up my own mind that I want change or eliminate a food, I'm fine; but being told what not to eat has been really difficult for me!


I keep telling myself that I can do it.  It's only for 3 weeks and I have actually discovered that I really like almond milk and coconut milk, so I might keep that in my fridge after the elimination diet is over.  Mental difficulties aside, I have actually been doing pretty well on this diet.  I find the most difficult meal to keep to it is dinner.  I wonder how effective it is if I still use a few of the restricted items in cooking?


How do you cope on such diets?  Do you find yourself wanting what you can't have?  Do replacements work to satisfy you?

Eat Clean Morning Glory Muffins

This is another favorite recipe from Tosca Reno.

Dry Ingredients
3/4 cup whole wheat flour or Power Flour (I used Power Flour; which is a combination  of 5 different whole grain flours.)
3/4 cup oat bran cereal (I couldn't find oat bran cereal, so I used a 10 grain cereal that I found in the bulk section of WinCo.  I imagine one could use just oat bran, but I was looking specifically for "cereal".)
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp apple pie spice (which is made by combining 1t cinnamon, 1/2t nutmeg, 1/4t allspice, 1/4t cardamom.  I just used pumpkin pie spice.)
1/2 cup Sucanat or rapadura sugar
1/2 tsp sea salt

Wet Ingredients
1 banana, mashed
1/2 cup plain kefir (I had to buy this at the co-op.  It is kind of like a runny yogurt, but thicker than buttermilk.)
1 egg white and 1 whole egg, well beaten
2 tbsp unsweetened applesauce
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 carrot, peeled and grated
1/2 cup chopped, pitted dates
1/2 cup chopped natural walnuts

1. Preheat oven to 425F
2. Prepare muffin tins by lining with silicon or paper liners, or by greasing with cooking spray. 
3. Combine all dry ingredients in a large bowl. Mix well.
4. Combine all wet ingredients in a medium sized bowl. Mix well.
5. Pour wet ingredients into dry and mix until just combined. Do not over mix or your muffins will come out flat and rubbery.
6. Spoon batter into muffin cups until 3/4 full. Place in hot oven and bake for 15 to 20 minutes. Remove from oven and let cool on wire cooling rack.

Put a shallow pan of water in the oven.  It helps the muffins rise better.

Makes 12 muffins. 

Nutritional value for one muffin:
Calories 187, Protein 7g, Total Fat 5g, Fiber 4g, Sodium 168 mg 

Protein Bars

I have a few favorites - all from Tosca Reno's Eat Clean Diet.

High-Energy Mocha Protein Bars

Dry Ingredients:

½ tsp. sea salt

4 scoops chocolate or vanilla protein powder

2 tsp. orange zest

3 C oats

2 Tbsp. instant coffee granules

¼ C ground flaxseed

¼ C wheat germ

1 C dried fruits - I used raisins, apricots (chopped up), blueberries and cranberries

½ C sliced almonds

½ C unsalted sunflower seeds

2 tsp. pumpkin pie spice

Wet Ingredients:

½ C apple butter

½ C unsweetened applesauce

1/3 C coconut butter, melted

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350°

2. Line a 9x13 pan with parchment paper

3. Combine all dry ingredients in one large bowl.

4. Combine all wet ingredients in a smaller bow.

5. Add wet to dry ingredients and mix together until well combined.  If your mixture is too dry, add some unsweetened applesauce to improve it.

6. Spread the mixture into the pan.  I pressed it down too.

7. Bake for 15 to 20 minutes (golden on top).

8. Let cool.  I lift the parchment paper up & place on a cutting board.  Then cut into bars.

Lifestyle Bars (one of my absolute favorite bars)


Ingredients:
½ C raw, unsalted slivered almonds
½ C pecans
¼ C coconut butter
½ C almond butter
2 Tbsp. molasses
1 tsp. honey
pinch sea salt
1 tsp. vanilla extract
1 Tbsp. instant coffee granules
¼ C sesame seeds
½ C goji berries
½ C dried apple slices, chopped


Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 400°
2. Line baking sheet with parchment paper
3. Arrange pecans and almonds on the sheet in an even layer.
4. Toast nuts in oven until just golden (about 8 minutes).  Give them a shake or stir to ensure even browning while baking.  Remove from oven and let cool.
5. Transfer nuts to food processor (I just used my manual chopper) and process until they are coarsely chopped. Set aside.
6.  In a large mixing bowl, combine coconut butter, almond butter, molasses, honey and sea salt.  It helps to heat this mixture just enough to soften.  Mix well.
7.  Add vanilla, coffee granules, chopped nuts and ground sesame seeds to butter mixture.  Combine well.
8.  Add goji berries and chopped dried apple.  Mix well.
9.  Press into an 8x4 baking pan (I don't have one, so I used 8x8).  
10.  Let the dough set in the refrigerator for half an hour.
11.  Cut into bars.  Keep in fridge or freezer until ready to eat.



No-Bake Nut Butter Energy Bars (my husband & son's favorite)

Ingredients:½ C agave nectar
2 tbsp coconut butter
1½ C nut butter (I used peanut butter from Winco - the stuff you grind yourself there at the store)
3 cups oats
2 scoops all natural vanilla whey powder
½ C dried fruit (raisins, cranberries, apple) I used all 3 equaling ½ C total
½ C slivered almonds
½ C sunflower seeds

Directions:
1.  Warm agave, coconut butter and nut butter in microwave until soft enough to combine easily. 

2.  Add oats & protein powder. Mix well. Then add dried fruit, almonds & seeds.  Mix well.

3.  Press into 9" parchment lined square pan.  (I didn't have one, so I used my 9x13 pan).  Let cool in fridge & cut into squares.

Does the time change affect you?

I am on my P90X Plus Recovery Week; which in Plus isn't much of a "recovery", because in Plus you do a regular P90X workout!  So, here's my battle this week... the time change really throws me for a loop.  I am sooooo tired!  I am draggen' this week!


So, rather than fight it, I have allowed myself some rest from my Plus/P90X/Recovery workouts and I'm only doing my run/walk on my scheduled days.  Everyone deserves some rest once in a while!  The only problem with this is my anxiety has been extremely high.  Every morning when I'm trying to kind of sleep in/lounge in bed and rest, my anxiety won't let me relax.  Grrrr!!  I get so anxious and overwhelmed that I have to just get up.  I know, I know... boo-hoo, right?  But, I want to just be lazy this week!  :)  

How does the time change affect you?  


Running Update

I'm very proud to post that I am still rockin' my 3-day a week run/walk schedule.  I'm still not able to run for a full 3 minutes, but I haven't given up!  Yayyy, me!  This is my 3rd week.

Running

I have always had this private little thought in my head that I would like to run a marathon someday. I'm not sure that I've ever shared that little tid-bit with anyone, but it has been this secret little desire that usually crops up when I hear of someone - anyone - training for or completing a marathon or race.

There's only one problem... as fit as I am, I am not a runner. I've tried to take it up on a couple different occasions throughout my life, but I have just never found my groove and I give it up (usually after about a week). In the past, I've had knee issues and hip issues (throbbing pain after and sometimes during the run). I even bought a knee brace to see if that would help during one of my afore mentioned trials, but ultimately, I never stick with it.

Recently, I found out that one of my friend's from church is training for a couple different races this summer and I was, once again, inspired to try my hand at running. So, I started asking her questions about when, where and how long she runs. She invited me to run with her, but since I'm just a beginner, I was worried about being able to keep up with her. I didn't want to mess up her training waiting on me, but I did want someone to teach me what to do/how to breath/how to find a stride/etc.

My friend uses the "Galloway Method" for running because she has an old injury that just never gets better. She said that she runs for 3 minutes and walks for 1 minute. This helps to prevent injury. So, I Googled it and found Jeff Galloway's website: http://www.jeffgalloway.com/training/beginners.html

As you know, if you follow my blog, I workout everyday to P90X, but I decided to just add this training to my normal week. It is my goal to work my way up to be able to run with my friend. She runs Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday. She runs 3 to 4 miles on the weekdays and does 5 miles and (I think) 10 miles every other Sunday. I started last Tuesday. The weather was beautiful here, so it was easy to get started.

I decided that I would just start by walking, since it has been a long winter and I haven't been on a plain ol' walk since last Fall. It's amazing how, even though you're 'in shape', just walking uses different muscles. I could feel in my legs and rear that I hadn't been on a good walk for ever. I followed Galloway's beginner instructions. I walked for 30 minutes and just threw in a few 'jogs' every once in a while. I did the same thing on Thursday and then Sunday the whole family went on an hour long walk. I was so glad that I didn't just jump in and try to run with my friend. It would've been horrible... for both of us.

I found an app for my phone that times the 3 and 1 minute intervals and boy, do I have some work to do! I can barely run for 3 minutes straight and I need more than a minute to recover. But, I am actually having fun tracking and timing all this. I found another app that will track my little jonts (using GPS); it tells me how far I went and how fast I went. These little tools are great for me - I like to compete with myself from one day to the next - it's nice to see actual improvement.

This is only my second week and yesterday it poured rain and snow all day, so I walked on my tread-climber instead of braving the weather.

I feel really positive because I have a plan (the Galloway site provided this for me) and I can track my progress (thanks to technology) and I have a short-term goal (to be able to run with Dawna). I also have a long-term goal... I want to be able to run a marathon (hopefully, with my best friend from high school, Gwen) in 3 years. As I continue to get better at this and I find a groove and actually enjoy myself, I hope to start signing up for little runs/races. I want to keep this up and the 3 year goal will hopefully keep me working at it.

My Workout Drink Conundrum

You know that I'm on an "eat clean" journey, which just means that I try to eliminate or use less processed foods, white sugar & flour, etc. I cook/prepare whole/homemade food from scratch and I try to be more conscious of what I'm putting into my body (and that of my family). I read ingredients lists and I try to know what everything is and what it's used for, etc. I don't drink soda or pop or buy high calorie coffee drinks; but, I do use (up until 2 weeks ago) a "pre-workout" drink and sometimes an "In-Training" (during workout) drink for energy/stamina/drive. I've even written about them in one of my first posts, but I have recently been feeling increasingly guilty for using them because they are loaded with caffeine and so many other things that I don't fully understand - their "proprietary blend" of herbs/supplements. I like the energy and focus they give me. I know I work harder when I use them. I go off them for several weeks at a time; but, ultimately, I go back to them.

So, in wrestling with this guilt, I asked my coach (through Beachbody) what he and others in his team use if anything. He, too, has used some such products, but has opted to "keep it simple" and just use a whey protein isolate drink prior to his workout. So, I decided to give that a try. I've been doing that for 2 weeks now and my conscience is faring very well.

I'm cheating just a little by mixing it with plain ol' fashioned coffee for that bump of caffeine (which isn't actually a no-no for clean eating) and I'm doing ok with it. I don't have the energy and focus that I do when I use the other products, but I still get a decent workout and I feel better about the choice.

We'll see how it goes from here.

Anxiety!

OK, so I’ve not been great at writing to my blog so far this year. I’ve been struggling lately and haven’t felt like sharing. But, today it struck me that I should start journaling again and maybe I should share some of my struggles on my blog. Maybe other people struggle with the same or similar issues. Even though this is a food and fitness blog – part of being fit is being emotionally and mentally healthy too… so, here goes…

I struggle with anxiety (& depression – but that’s a story for another day). Sometimes are worse than others. I take medication daily for it and I go through long glorious periods where I don’t ever feel any anxiety - even through the usually stressful times, like the holidays - I sailed through without any issues. Now, Bam! I’ve come around this corner where I feel anxiety almost daily… for no apparent reason… nothing I can put my finger on… completely, seemingly unprovoked and without reason or warrant.

It’s this choking, uncomfortable and sometimes physically painful feeling. I can’t eat, I can’t sit still, and I can’t relax. I get so exhausted that all I want to do is sleep. But, when I do just sit around or go back to bed or just try to be still, I get worse… It seems like I’d feel better if I just kept moving, but I am so tired that I want to lie on the couch and veg.

There’s no amount of relief or assistance to be gained by telling me to ‘calm down’ or ‘everything will be ok’… I “know” that already, but it doesn’t matter. My system goes into this panic/fight or flight zone.

The funny thing is that I tend to hide it pretty well from most people. I share it with my husband, because there is something cathartic about fessing up that I’m feeling it. But, to most people… from the outside… you can’t tell that I’m a bundle of nerves on the inside.

So, we've discovered that this time of year really seems to be difficult for me; after the holidays - after all the hustle and bussle - this in between phase, before Spring.

BRING ON SPRING!