OK, so I’ve not been great at writing to my blog so far this year. I’ve been struggling lately and haven’t felt like sharing. But, today it struck me that I should start journaling again and maybe I should share some of my struggles on my blog. Maybe other people struggle with the same or similar issues. Even though this is a food and fitness blog – part of being fit is being emotionally and mentally healthy too… so, here goes…
I struggle with anxiety (& depression – but that’s a story for another day). Sometimes are worse than others. I take medication daily for it and I go through long glorious periods where I don’t ever feel any anxiety - even through the usually stressful times, like the holidays - I sailed through without any issues. Now, Bam! I’ve come around this corner where I feel anxiety almost daily… for no apparent reason… nothing I can put my finger on… completely, seemingly unprovoked and without reason or warrant.
It’s this choking, uncomfortable and sometimes physically painful feeling. I can’t eat, I can’t sit still, and I can’t relax. I get so exhausted that all I want to do is sleep. But, when I do just sit around or go back to bed or just try to be still, I get worse… It seems like I’d feel better if I just kept moving, but I am so tired that I want to lie on the couch and veg.
There’s no amount of relief or assistance to be gained by telling me to ‘calm down’ or ‘everything will be ok’… I “know” that already, but it doesn’t matter. My system goes into this panic/fight or flight zone.
The funny thing is that I tend to hide it pretty well from most people. I share it with my husband, because there is something cathartic about fessing up that I’m feeling it. But, to most people… from the outside… you can’t tell that I’m a bundle of nerves on the inside.
So, we've discovered that this time of year really seems to be difficult for me; after the holidays - after all the hustle and bussle - this in between phase, before Spring.
BRING ON SPRING!
